0ffwhite:

a concept: late night convo’s with someone that likes you as much as you like them.

lucidnee:

lucidnee:

lucidnee:

if you an adult learn to take sex criticism. Y'all be 26 giving out wack head cause you refused to listen in ya freshmen year of college that you not suppose to bite it like that. You 28 still just sticking dry penis in a dry hole saying “oh..you tight” NOT AROUSED!!!

if someone says ow during sex you stop and ask! Don’t keep going!!

If you finished first that’s fine!!! It’s normal!! But don’t just leave that person hanging!!

You cum in a person after they asked you not too but it was an accident guess who paying $50 for plan b?? YOU!!!

if you looking at this putting genders on it then it’s ya fault lol cause this is the most gender neutral post

ginnydear:

sometimes i get a little stressed out because i’m living in a part of history that’ll one day be talked about and discussed and papers written and what am i doing? what have i done? laundry, barely

vilepluff:

seedot is one of the funniest little dudes. but then it evolves and decides that it has to have nipples

jaythenerdkid-official:

seashellronan:

people i make myself look good for:

• myself
• gay women
• my friends so they go “damn bitch u look fucking good” whenever i enter the room

• drunk girls in bathrooms

jonbutter:

broke: Die Hard is a Christmas Movie

Woke™: High School Musical is a New Year’s Eve Movie

hostilemuppet:

romanticwyvern:

hostilemuppet:

jack black starting a youtube channel for the soul purpose of one upping pewdiepie and having megalovania in his first video isnt how i expected 2018 to end i gotta say

Wait what

jack blacks a lets player now and 2019s lookin good

lenalutthor:

merry christmas jesus wasnt white

redbonewireless:

Edward: *damages Bella’s car so it won’t start so she can’t drive to see Jacob*

12 year old me: aw :) protective :)

me now:

swankivy:

the-stray-liger:

itsmydrink:

bemusedlybespectacled:

lesbuchanan:

hyenasnake:

whyisthisreality:

grays-galaxy:

business-pug:

siren-that-sings-owl-city:

wonderlandroundtwo:

amthsts:

patron-saint-of-smart-asses:

low-budget-mulan:

pkslider:

slavery:

How does anyone hate kids they are so funny I sold tickets to incredibles to this little girl and her mom and she’s like mom are we sitting next to each other and the moms like ya and the kid screamed YES so loud it broke my ears

The other day I was bringing an older gentleman up the hill in a golf cart and we drove past this huge YMCA group of kids like 100 kids

and driving past the first chunk like 10 of them yelled out “let me on” in unison and then since I’m driving so slowly to be safe, halfway in some kid leaned up and said “do you play fortnite” and I told him I played a little and he just pointed and shouted “THIS GUY PLAYS FORTNITE” and then like 20 kids started talking to me all at once about fortnite

A kid asked me if I lived in the ambulance. I said yes.

The hero we deserve

When I was on register at Kohl’s a little girl came through with her grandma and she was so very excited to tell me the meaning of her name (I think it was like warrior of god) and she begged her grandma for her phone so she could google to find out what my name means too

i wear two spinner rings on one finger and one time at my last job a young girl (probably 6-8) said “your ring is very pretty” and when i showed her it was two rings she GASPED and said “does that mean you’re marrying two people?!”

I have this necklace with a mermaid on it that I wear to work a lot and I got asked by a kid if it gave me magic powers. I leaned in real close and told her in a low voice it gave me magical girl powers but it was a secret. She got this real serious look on her face and said to her mom “that lady has superpowers, don’t tell anyone or the government will take her away”.

The other day i had to give a speech at my school despite my horrific fear of public speaking and afterwards i had kid come up to me and say well done to me. It was so cute.

god I love tiny kids

there was a kid in one of our science camps and he spent the whole week in a lab coat and goggles screaming “CHEMICALS” at the top of his lungs. he wouldn’t even tell us his name for the first two days just screamed CHEMICALS instead.

I was watching these kids at church today and one of them screamed and threw a toy car into the wall and it broke and the other one looked over calmly and said “does your insurance cover that?”

I was taking the drink order for a family at work and I asked their kid what he wanted to drink and he just looked at me with a completely deadpan expression and said “vodka” and me and the parents just fucking lost it

kid I used to babysit asked why my lips were different (she was two), and when I told her that it was because I was wearing lipstick, she yelled, “MAYA, I WANT LIPITZ.”

I work in a school and every time I draw anything on the board (I am a terrible artist and usually resort to stick men), the kids will all go ‘I love your picture, that’s a great drawing Miss’. So blindly supportive.

One time my younger brother ordered a “non-alcoholic fanta” at a hotel bar and the bartender lost his shit and I was never the same man

When I was student teaching, I was taking my fourth graders back from lunch and noticed one little girl looking longingly at the playground, where the younger kids were having recess. She heaved a big sigh and said, “I used to be that free.”